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Jokes - a favorite type of pastime during the holidays, which never bothers and is equally liked by all generations. It’s great that for such entertainment you don’t need inventory or other attributes, so everyone can entertain their guests at the festive table. But before the feast, you can prepare a little and refresh in memory the jokes about the New Year 2020, which will amuse all guests. In addition, the reputation of the soul of the company will be a good start to the new year, which is better to enter with a smile on your lips.
Jokes about the Rat
Since the symbol of the New Year 2020 according to the Chinese calendar will be a rat, it will not be out of place to mention this animal and make a joke on this topic, especially since there are enough thematic jokes.
The husband asks his wife:
- Darling, what will you give me for the New Year?
- Myself!
“Ah, of course, the year of the Rat!”
There are two girls who are all so crazy down the street, behind the guy runs up:
- Girls, girls can I meet you?
- NOT!
“Well, girls, can you at least find out your name?”
- You can’t!
“Girls, can I get some coffee?”
- Do not!
- Girls, do you want cheese?
- Cheese ???
- Yes, cheese!
- No, we don’t want to!
- Such rats are strange, but they don’t eat cheese ...
***
- Dad, dad, at school everyone teases me the poor!
“Son, stop worrying because of all this nonsense!” Better catch rats for dinner.
***
In the shop:
- Give me rat seasoning.
“Maybe rat poison?”
- No, seasoning - poisoning rats this hungry winter is too wasteful ...
***
On December 31, rats were the first to flee from the ship to the ball.
A rat came to the captain of the ship, and said:
- Listen buddy, don’t worry tomorrow: we will conduct a training alarm according to the plan.
***
Two friends meet.
- Have not seen you for a long time. How do you live with yours?
- You know, not bad. Ever since we got married, I grew noticeably in his eyes.
- What is it like?
“Well, I used to have a mouse for him, and now it's a rat.”
***
An elephant escaped from the zoo. Sheriff's call:
- Sir! There is a huge gray rat in my garden !! She plucks cabbage with her tail and won’t believe where she puts it !!!!
Jokes about the Jewish New Year
Jews know a lot about subtle humor, which is the subject of admiration for many nations. It is a sin not to take advantage of such colorful jokes during the celebration of the New Year 202.
- Sarochka, what should I give you for the New Year: a new fur coat or a trip to Paris?
- A trip to Paris. They say that fur coats are cheaper there.
***
The Forest Raised a Christmas Tree
And let yourself grow:
Nothing threatens her
In the Jewish New Year.
***
- Fima, you seem to have forgotten that on New Year’s took a thousand hryvnias from me.
- I forgot? Yes, Yasha! I beg you! This is still my most vivid New Year's memory!
***
The company celebrates the New Year. Three minutes before the holiday, the lights are turned off so that everyone can do what he dreamed of for a year. Victor kissed Lena, whom he had dreamed about since school. Peter stroked the beautiful Svetlana on the leg. Andrey stroked Valentina's chest. Izya managed to eat all the caviar that was on the table.
New Year, holiday table. A fork slowly falls from the table. The family father, overturning the table, catches a fork a centimeter from the floor.
“Fu, thank God there will be no more guests.”
And then a daughter enters the room and says:
-Dad, dad! Aunt Sonya from Odessa is stuck in an elevator!
National and Political Jokes
The whole country celebrates New Year, so jokes about this endless marathon of feasts and holidays are also reflected in jokes.
***
There is a New Year's corporate party in the State Duma. They decided to have fun, called a fortune teller with a spiritualistic board.
They asked the question: “When is it better to carry out unpopular reforms and introduce taxes - before the election, during or after - so as not to make the people very angry?”
A saucer moved on the board. There was an answer: “It’s better not to make people angry”
They laughed, decided to ask a second question: “Who is talking to us? Lenin, Marx, Stalin? "
A saucer moved on the board. The answer was: “Nicholas II, Louis XVI, Charles I”
***
What an amazing country Russia is: they begin to celebrate New Year somewhere in the Far East, and finish somewhere under the table.
***
At least in one we were ahead of the Chinese. Their New Year, the year of the Rat, we celebrate a month earlier.
***
For the Russian peasant, the main thing is not to celebrate the New Year, but to survive it.
Jokes about gadgets
Progress penetrates our lives every day more and more, so the jokes about gadgets for the New Year sound relevant.
***
“Dear Santa Claus! When I asked for wireless headphones last year, I was referring to AirPods, not a cat that nibbled wires from my old headphones. ”
***
- Girl! Send me your selfie so that I can show Santa Claus what I want for the New Year.
***
New Year's Eve is such a stupid night when you can’t surf the Internet so that losers sitting on the Internet on New Year’s do not think that you are the same.
Family jokes
New Year is considered a family holiday and is often spent in the family circle when close and distant relatives gather. If all of them are good with humor, then jokes on family topics are quite suitable.
***
- Che, found a hut for the New Year, or again, how will you meet the last schmuck with your parents?
- Well, maaam ...
- Dear, soon New Year. We must get rid of the old trash.
- I won’t go anywhere!
***
I want to celebrate New Year with a guy somewhere in a warm country.
Please advise the guy.
***
My wife planned to lose 10 kilograms before the New Year. Only 15 left.
***
Spend the old year, pigs! Happy New Year, rats!
***
- And for us on the last New Year, Santa Claus climbed through the pipe. But then suddenly dad returned from a business trip. That year, I got the whole bag of gifts - a box of chocolates, three bottles of champagne and a pack of strange balloons.
***
I learned from my wife that a widow was more prestigious than a divorce. Great news for the New Year.
***
Dad, guess which train is the most late?
- What, son?
- The one that you promised to give me as early as last New Year.
From a letter to Santa Claus: “Hello, old fart !!! I don’t believe in you for 2 years !! ”Sergey Pavlovich, 47 years old.
***
In the New Year, I want some little surprise. So that bam! .. and I'm a millionaire!
Gastronomic New Year's jokes
Not a single New Year holiday can do without a feast, so jokes on this topic are always appropriate at the festive table.
I only have pasta at home from food. Advise how to cook some goodies for the New Year from them.
***
“I eat rats again.”
- Do you eat rats?
- And I still eat rats
— ???
- Caviar, I say, eat more.
***
After the battle, the chimes are much cheaper and more pleasant to look at other people's fireworks.
Vegan and the ideological fighter with alcohol could not understand why no one wants to come to him to celebrate the New Year.
***
New Year in Ethiopia. Starving children gathered under a bush in anticipation of Santa Claus. Santa Claus appears, congratulates the children on the holiday and is about to fly away.
- Grandfather Frost, and gifts?
- And gifts only to those who ate well.
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